Many, many, years ago, when musicals and stories about families were commonplace, a little movie full of singing and family was made. Meet Me in St Louis was the story of a family over a period of a year. The family is quirky and adorable, like most real families are. They love their home in St Louis, and are really REALLY excited about the fact that the World’s Fair is coming and that the oldest sister may or may not be getting married. They often break into song for no apparent reason, like most musicals do, and they are always saying the right and whitty thing, but hey, I like this crap.
They find that the father has been offered a job in NY and everyone is heartbroken but for the most part they try to play it cool out of respect. Near the end of the movie one of my favorite characters (so favorite I can't remember right now) finally loses it. There were several snowmen in their yard and she destroys all of them sobbing about not wanting to leave and (I looked it up her name was Tooti) and Judy's left trying to make her feel better about the move, even though she hates the idea of movie even more than Tootie does.
But just before she loses it, Judy Garland's character sings the most depressing version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" ever made. She was trying to let her know that Santa would find them in New York, and it would all be ok, but really, the song is incredibly depressing, as much as she meant to make her feel better. No wonder the poor kid loses it. I’m surprised she didn’t slit her wrists or jump out the window they were looking out of when she was singing.
“You can’t do anything like you can in St Louis!” she sobs. Just seeing that part I get all choked up. It’s like she’s my kid, or my kid sister upset and depressed about leaving. Judy says “We’re all going to be together, just like we’ve always been together, that’s what really counts. We can be happy anywhere as long as we’re together.” Oh, I’m getting verklempt.
For the span of 7 or 8 years Christmas and the entire month of December in general was synonymous for pain and crying and crap. My first boyfriend broke up with me 4 days before Christmas one year, and for the years to follow it was like if it was bad, it was happening in December...of course back then, I had a lot of bad things going on all year, but do you really expect me to be logical at the time? No, it was only December that sucked. Grandparents dying, boyfriends leaving, boyfriends not buying you gifts, best friends ditching a long standing plan to meet on New Years Eve of 2000 at 2pm in the park, it was all enough to make me think that I was always going to spend the month of December in a drunken stupor at the bar whining about how my life wasn’t what I expected it to be.
Sure, I had a little logical part of the brain back then, but I didn’t want to hear the Judy Garland side, I just wanted to hear the depressing song part. I wanted to cry about it. I wanted to believe I had no control over my own happiness. I wanted to believe that December was crappy, not my decision making skills. Not that I kept dating losers, or drinking to avoid my problems when I should have been praying for forgiveness for being an idiot.
What’s funny, is even now, even when my life is full, and happy, and complete. Even though I haven’t cried about a think in ages, if this song comes on, I’m transported back to that small stupid girl crying in her car, crying at a bar, crying in my bed, crying in my car, crying to a friend, crying crying crying and I can feel and remember her pain. And it’s all so real. Even though my logical brain can now see the true meaning of the words every time, I still can see her, and I wish I could have pity of people who are like her now, but for some reason, I never do. It’s something I’m aware of, and should work on….I know I should.
They find that the father has been offered a job in NY and everyone is heartbroken but for the most part they try to play it cool out of respect. Near the end of the movie one of my favorite characters (so favorite I can't remember right now) finally loses it. There were several snowmen in their yard and she destroys all of them sobbing about not wanting to leave and (I looked it up her name was Tooti) and Judy's left trying to make her feel better about the move, even though she hates the idea of movie even more than Tootie does.
But just before she loses it, Judy Garland's character sings the most depressing version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" ever made. She was trying to let her know that Santa would find them in New York, and it would all be ok, but really, the song is incredibly depressing, as much as she meant to make her feel better. No wonder the poor kid loses it. I’m surprised she didn’t slit her wrists or jump out the window they were looking out of when she was singing.
“You can’t do anything like you can in St Louis!” she sobs. Just seeing that part I get all choked up. It’s like she’s my kid, or my kid sister upset and depressed about leaving. Judy says “We’re all going to be together, just like we’ve always been together, that’s what really counts. We can be happy anywhere as long as we’re together.” Oh, I’m getting verklempt.
For the span of 7 or 8 years Christmas and the entire month of December in general was synonymous for pain and crying and crap. My first boyfriend broke up with me 4 days before Christmas one year, and for the years to follow it was like if it was bad, it was happening in December...of course back then, I had a lot of bad things going on all year, but do you really expect me to be logical at the time? No, it was only December that sucked. Grandparents dying, boyfriends leaving, boyfriends not buying you gifts, best friends ditching a long standing plan to meet on New Years Eve of 2000 at 2pm in the park, it was all enough to make me think that I was always going to spend the month of December in a drunken stupor at the bar whining about how my life wasn’t what I expected it to be.
Sure, I had a little logical part of the brain back then, but I didn’t want to hear the Judy Garland side, I just wanted to hear the depressing song part. I wanted to cry about it. I wanted to believe I had no control over my own happiness. I wanted to believe that December was crappy, not my decision making skills. Not that I kept dating losers, or drinking to avoid my problems when I should have been praying for forgiveness for being an idiot.
What’s funny, is even now, even when my life is full, and happy, and complete. Even though I haven’t cried about a think in ages, if this song comes on, I’m transported back to that small stupid girl crying in her car, crying at a bar, crying in my bed, crying in my car, crying to a friend, crying crying crying and I can feel and remember her pain. And it’s all so real. Even though my logical brain can now see the true meaning of the words every time, I still can see her, and I wish I could have pity of people who are like her now, but for some reason, I never do. It’s something I’m aware of, and should work on….I know I should.
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